Verbal Judo- The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J. Thompson.
The author is an English PhD, Karate Black Belt, and Law Enforcement Officer. Gotta love the Polymaths….. Here is a link to a summary I wrote.
The book is about how to deal with verbal conflict, usually of the contentious kind. Some might see these as “common sense,” but I like to see them as good reminders. I’ve certainly fallen on my face my share of times in the verbal space. Some of these are valuable whether you’re interacting with a cranky child, a stubborn co-worker, or some inebriated individual on the street.
Five Universal Truths of Human Interaction:
1. All people want to be treated with dignity and respect.
2. All people want to be asked rather than told to do something.
3. All people want to be informed as to why they are being asked or ordered to do something.
4. All people want to be given options rather than threats.
5. All people want a second chance when they make a mistake.
● Don’t confuse empathy and sympathy.
● The most dangerous weapon is the cocked tongue.
● The one attempting to calm must project empathy.
● Never use words that rise readily to your lips, or you’ll give the greatest speech that you’ll ever live to regret.
● The moment you have an idea and try to persuade others to move in concert with you, you have invited disagreement. The more intensely you live, the more you choose to make a difference in the world, the more you create vital, as opposed to insipid, relationships, then the more open you are to whacks and bumps and bruises. That’s the only path to honest, bottom-line communications.
● The most powerful concept in the English language- Empathy. To have empathy for someone does not mean to sympathize with him. It does mean to love, or even to like somebody. You don’t have to approve of him. And you are certainly not required to agree with what he says or accept his invitation to Thanksgiving dinner.
● Empathy- from the Latin and Greek roots. Em from the Latin, means “to see through,” and pathy, from the Greek, means “the eye of the other.” So to empathize means to understand, to see through the eyes of the other.
● The communication warrior’s real service- staying calm in the midst of conflict, deflecting verbal abuse, and offering empathy in the face of antagonism.
● A Samurai warfare state of mind called Mushin is defined as “the still center,” or the ability to stay calm, read your opponent, and attempt to redirect his aggression in a more positive way. If you cannot keep a still center, you cannot stay in control of yourself or the situation.